Neurotypical people without ADHD struggle to understand our symptoms. This makes sense, as our symptoms involve executive functions, which is essentially taken for granted by those without chronic executive dysfunction.
Activation, for example, which is being able to start tasks. ADHDers struggle with activation but people around us don’t really understand. They don’t know what it’s like not to be able to DO things.
So trying to explain ADHD issues to non-ADHD NT folks (henceforth ‘non-ADHDers’) can be a challenge.
‘Why do we need to explain it to them?’, you might be wondering, ‘we don’t owe them an explanation!’.
You are correct, and I agree.
This post is more focused on explaining ADHD to people who want to understand but are struggling. Sometimes loved ones want to know more about how we tick and we can struggle to put it into words. This is for them.
From my experience, explaining ADHD is difficult because everyone experiences executive dysfunction. Universal experiences, such as being tired or stressed or fatigued, can all cause minor executive dysfunction.
The key difference is the severity and duration. Our executive dysfunction is chronic and severe while theirs is not.
However, the language we use was made by neurotypicals to describe neurotyical experiences. So we have to use their words to get across our experiences, which doesn’t sufficiently explain the severity or difficulty.
When we say, ‘I can’t focus’, they relate to it with their own experience of not being able to focus.
When we say, ‘I can’t remember’, they relate it with their own experience of not being able to remember.
When we say ‘I can’t do x’, they relate to it with their own experience of struggling to do something.
But our experiences are not the same, even if the words we use may be.
A paper cut and a broken finger can both be described as a wounded finger, but one is obviously more severe than the other.
Non-ADHDers hear us talk about our broken finger, and believe we are just talking about a paper cut. So they recommend a plaster (band-aid) because that’s what helped them with their ‘wounded finger’.
So, how do you explain ADHD to non ADHDers?
Well, I try not to use ‘common’ words, and instead go for more ‘official’ sounding words.
Instead of saying that I’m forgetful or can’t remember, I tell people that I have short term and recall issues.
Non-ADHDers equate remembering something with caring, so explaining that we forgot due to circumstances outside our control can be useful.
Instead of saying that I’m bad with emotions, I say that I have ’emotional regulatory difficulties’.
Instead of saying that I get easily bored, I say that I struggle from chronic under-stimulation.
Alternatively, you can ask them to imagine how they feel when they are mentally exhausted, or perhaps quite ill and explain that that’s how you feel all the time.
(PS: ADHD is quite stereotyped and its severity is underestimated. As such, I sometimes find explaining just my symptoms to be more helpful than saying that I have ADHD. )